28. The Value Of Revisiting
It’s the first time I’ve been home in quite some time. Home for the holidays post-COVID. Ironically, it’s one of the worst surges of the Omicron variant. No doubt this was not the case when I booked my trip, nor when I first flew home. Somehow it’s exploded and needless to say I’m not only out of hope but sad for many others. And sad for myself. I rarely have expectations, but I certainly had them for this trip. I wanted this to be an opportunity to be a bigger, better person. I suppose the learning lesson is that your environment or experiences may never be conducive to that. And you must have a sense of patience and grace with the outcome.
Lots of new things popped up for me, particularly with my intuition being more honed in. There’s a ghost who has been at my parents’ house for quite some time. She’s a young girl. Ultimately, this experience was validated by my dad telling me that another family member had actually seen her when he was younger and in the house. It’s odd to think that time moves so quickly within our lives here on earth, but remains stagnant for some spirits.
I was up late at night and started to observe my room. Many things had in fact changed. Of course my old childhood bedroom had been turned into a new craft room. It looks a bit different, but fundamentally the same. All of my furniture is still there and it’s got the same “bones”. As I re-looked at every little corner I was overcome with emotions of my time spent here. I was able to re-look at my past experiences through a different lens.
I am a huge advocate for traveling (even if it’s simply walking around the block) as a positive and proactive way to recycle energy. But I feel that “revisiting” has a unique purpose. I keep it very open as we often times can’t physically revisit areas of our past. If we can, that’s great. But if we’re not able to, we simply need to access our memories. Or in other words, past thoughts, feelings and emotions.
As I stared at the corner of my desk, I was overcome with this sense of optimism and hope. Belonging and comfort. Things which I have felt in certain ways since leaving my childhood home, but never quite the same. It’s a place I feel 100% myself all of the time. It was the perfect launchpad and I’m eternally grateful. My sense of motivation, passion and rebellion were particularly of note. There was a sense of this that I had lost over time. But it seemed to still exist, and exist in this room. It’s no secret that we “leave” our energy in certain spaces and places. My energy at a certain point and place in time was left in that room. Perhaps it wasn’t all of myself, but it was parts that were most memorable. Or perhaps parts that I’m most foreign to, and therefore they stick out the most. It’s sort of incredible to experience it again, and makes me think more about geo-location energy and accessing our past thoughts, feelings and emotions. That coupled with past lives, I feel like there are lots of keys to our future success in this life.
So many other feelings started to come through which were also foreign to me. In essence, it felt like a gold mine of untapped emotions. Past parts of me which I needed to re-integrate. Things which I valued at the time but somehow lost. Parts of me which I needed to re-connect with in order to make me whole.
So what do I do now? Maybe it simply serves as information and knowledge. A sense of comfort or a reminder. Or perhaps I can proactively re-integrate these feelings. But how, or why? Was there a reason I left them behind? A purpose? Maybe I needed to stray so far away I had to appreciate them more when I came back. Perhaps in some ways, I took them for granted. What I will say is that I have a much better sense of myself and who I am. Seeing my previous self from a fresh set of eyes. I’ll never be able to see myself through the eyes of others, but I feel a bit closer.
It’s quite simple to come back to an old place and be hit with emotions, but more challenging when you need to access within your own mind. Often times I feel we get “signs” of things which are important for us to know now. Those memories which keep creeping in are simply messages from our subconscious. It’s up to us to explore them, and ultimately, figure out what to do with them.
