297. My Experience Healing My Chronic Pain

This is a topic which is certainly near and dear to my heart. How could it not be? Pain changes us, in so many ways. It’s not just a learning lesson. I consider the times in my life when I’ve went through chronic pain, have perhaps permanently altered my brain chemistry. I’m not even sure I can explain how. You just feel like a different person. In some ways, outside of yourself. Because being connected to your body in pain is too much for a person to handle. But these experiences have certainly made me stronger. I do certainly believe that there is a reason that we go through pain. And I strongly feel that pain is a “disconnect” in energies. When things are flowing smoothly, There’s typically not a need for pain. But it’s a part of life. I of course write this as I’m having cramps.

My back has been a source of discomfort, frustration, annoyance, and on occasion, deep pain. The problems started around when I left high school. I specifically recall trying to “get back into shape” and doing something to agitate my back. The problem slowly developed over time, and it became more and more of a nuisance. I started to get sciatica, and the pain multiplied. Since I didn’t know what was wrong, my efforts at stretching and exercising were failing me. This would have traditionally worked. But this time, it was totally out of my wheelhouse. After waiting a bit of time hoping it would go away, it didn’t. I saw an orthopedic doctor who ended up diagnosing me with a mild bulged disc. I was shocked that something so minor could be causing me so much pain. I felt incapacitated. I never expected this problem to evolve and change with me as I grew/aged. Although I went to physical therapy a couple of times, nothing ever seemed to solve it. I felt hopeless. And then the trouble with eventual mild discomfort and pain is… you tend to just “live with it”. And that’s what I did.

However, things changed when I moved to California. When my intuition opened up, I realized that the only way to “stop” energies from coming near me or into my body, was to hunch my left shoulder/back over. I started to develop a lot of pain, stiffness and discomfort in this area. As a result, it ended up exacerbating my back problems overall. I was somewhat back to square one. Even though I had little hope because I had been getting nowhere, and I felt like I was going nowhere, the fact that the pain and discomfort moved throughout my body and shifted, made me feel a bit more comfortable. It didn’t feel static. And no pain really is. Since energy continues to move every single second, we can consistently redirect the trajectory of these “pathways” and make them work more in alignment with us, than out.

Only in the past couple of years, I started a “self-care” journey, really only picking up in the last few months. Part of this was more diligence in improving my back situation, as well as my overall strength, flexibility and mobility. As these things improved, so did my pain and discomfort. But there was a very interesting effect that happened as well.

Every single night for about a half hour, I stretch and exercise. Sometimes it’s 75/25, sometimes it’s half and half. But it’s really whatever I feel my body “needs”. For the most part, these are all intuitive stretches and exercises. I just go wherever my body is leaning me or leading me toward. It’s kind of an interesting experiment to do if you’re able to start. Just let go of “controL” and see what happens (safely, of course). As I went about stretching, I could feel energy releasing from my body. Not only that, there were often times thoughts, feeling sand emotions accompanied with them. I was quite literally letting to of old trauma, old memories, negative or stagnant thoughts, feelings or emotions. They were quite literally “stuck” in my body. It then made sense as to why the problem areas consistently shifted. I was just moving things around my body, but never releasing them. Throughout this releasing process, I not only physically felt better, but I did mentally and emotionally as well. And let me tell you… besides these brief sessions, I was not doing much to directly improve my mental/emotional state. Further proof that everything is connected.

I am not kidding when I say that these experiences/sessions were and are emotionally. Often times I feel like I can’t do it, but I talk myself into it. And I’m always happy I do it. Sometimes something releases and I cry. It’s kind of wild. And I feel like a lot of times when I explain it, it’s somewhat a foreign concept for people. I guess it’s a hybrid meditation technique for myself, where I’m going through all of my stored traumas. Since I am intuitive, things come up quite easily. And apparently, I was shoving stuff in my back/shoulder for quite some time.

It’s no surprise to me that I feel/felt better by releasing. When I would have anxiety attacks and panic attacks on public transportation, I realized it was because I was holding in all of these energies, and not letting them go/releasing them. Once I received/intellectualized the message, it would go away. But in circumstances where I refused to “let things go”, I suppose it just built up. I don’t know… for some reason I’ve always felt that there’s some kind of a “black hole” or portal in my shoulder and back. Maybe it’s just been a “space” for energy going in and out. Even if it’s not a proper portal, I suppose that concept makes it somewhat of one.

Overall, the concept of moving energy is/was not foreign to me. I am a certified Reiki master, and I do “feel” energy, despite me ignoring it in my own body for quite some time. But there’s a difference in your own energy versus others. In my opinion, it’s much harder to read. You’re not just biased, but you can’t really discern well enough what is you and what’s not. Even with this energetic purging process, it felt like I was dying. I didn’t understand what was good and bad. What if I was removing the good? I had to remove everything, and hope that I wasn’t losing myself. And that’s kind of scary. Where does your ego begin and end?

Not only am I still on my journey and will continue to be, but I’m learning more about healing pain and myself along the way. I share this story not just because it’s relevant to what I do, but because this is not a problem, as a healer, I ever thought I would find myself in. Of course I was aware that even the best of us need healing sometimes, if not all the time, but I never thought I would be so caught off guard by it. I thought I would be able to know what was wrong with me, always and immediately. But I guess the whole point of going through learning lessons is that you’re not really aware that they are learning lessons until you’re like… in the middle of it or at the end of it. Too bad you can’t catch on quite sooner. In this sense, it’s important to continue to go through new experiences, options and opportunities to ensure that you are looking at your life from a third persons perspective. So you can observe, learn and discern.

There were so many times throughout my journey I felt hopeless. But hopelessness is not a thing. It’s a fallacy. If I can do it, you can, too.