309. The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup
I know everyone loves a good concept and theme… and this topic is no different?
One of the hardest things to overcome in this lifetime is a breakup. Although it’s typically in a romantic sense, a breakup can be anything. You can breakup with friends, family, a location, a job, etc. And all of them hurt differently. One could even consider that losing a loved one is a type of physical “breakup”. It’s the loss or the severing/separation of a connection. And it’s never easy. When we consider that we are fractaled beings in this world, in other words, we’re a part of a larger whole, we’re constantly trying to “fill the void” or fill these “missing” parts of ourselves. And we do this in multiple different ways. In particular, a romantic partner helps fil a lot of these different things. They are the yin to our yang, and they are heavily supporting us and keeping us company through this lifetime. They’re also integral in our learning lessons. It’s a big deal. But sometimes, it’s just not meant to be. And this could be for a variety of reasons. So to help yourself get over a breakup, here are my steps:
Keep in mind, not ALL of these should be done at once, or even in sequential order. You can start at the bottom and work your way up to the top. You may also need to work through a period of grieving time before any self-reflection or intellectualization can begin.
Align to spirituality: Last thing you ever want to hear is “everything happens for a reason”. But there’s a comfort in knowing that the universe has your back, and for whatever reason, at this point and place in time, it’s for the best. Even if a reconciliation is going to happen in the future, there’s a clear need for a time apart. If you intend on continuing the connection long-term, it’s likely that this is your “best chance”. Use this time to align to your intuition. You can also set the intention to gain more clarity and insight into this connection. Work on intuitive practices! See what comes of it.
Deduce the equal energetic exchange: Whenever there’s a break in a connection, there is always an unequal energetic exchange. Even if someone woke up one morning and said, “I don’t want to do this”. It’s still an unequal energetic exchange. This means that the relationship or the connection is unstable and is unable to work long-term until the exchange has been re-addressed. This is an opportunity to see your connection from a bird’s eye view. What do you notice? Were you the one putting in most of the work? What was the reality of the situation, now that you’re no longer in it? Was it truly not sustainable? Being able to understand the energetic dynamic forces going on between this connection can allow you to come to terms with the separation, and give you good guidance and advice for moving forward.
Push forward with sharing/reconnecting with the concept of “loss”: Whenever we experience a loss, we have somewhat of a “hole” to fill. We can also retreat into a place or space of disconnection. Consider healthy ways to fill this hole. This can be taking up a new activity, adding something new into your daily routine, planning a trip, etc. You may feel a need to “reinvent yourself” or start over. This may be because you felt like you had lost your sense of identity in the relationship, or you simply made so many sacrifices to the other person, so there’s no problem with that. But definitely take it slow and steady. You want to ensure that you’re regaining this new sense of traction at a solid place, and processing all of the different changes. The important part of this entire section is to recreate “love lost”. If you want to get specific, this can also mean picking up old hobbies, etc. from your previous life. I do find that “love lost” is often times why people will go back to exes after a relationship. But know that energy is pervasive, it’s not just within people. You can find these energies anywhere/everywhere. Consider how you can focus on “gain” in your life as a whole.
Compensate for what you’ve “lost”: Consider what your partner brought to the table. Was it support? Strength? Comfort? etc. You may find that you need to re-source all of these things. Note that all of these energies come from within us, other things simply trigger it. Of course there are some things which are simply “provided” to us, but not without our own intention and direction. If you can understand what themes your partner was embodying which aligned to your own goals and objectives, you can again, re-source them. This is similar to prompt 3, but it’s more specifically related to your particular relationship. And it can be more specific or particular than just seeking out new opportunities. As an example, if you find that you need emotional support, perhaps there’s a family member or friend that you can turn to. Be sure that you’re treading the line of taking self-responsibility, while also thoughtfully seeking out the energies of others.
Prioritize self-fulfillment and self-love: What are you in lack of? When a relationship ends, some things become glaringly obvious. Often times we can let ourselves go, stop taking care of ourselves, etc., particularly if it was a toxic relationship. This is really the time to re-gain control of your own life. Do what you haven’t done. Explore the parts of yourself, which perhaps you were unable to do for a variety of reasons. In a relationship, there’s often times compromise, but in particular, if you’ve made sacrifices, it may be wise to think about reincorporating them into your life. You can ask yourself intuitively, what do you “feel” that you lost? This self-fulfillment and self-love will tie directly into the concept of “love lost”. Consider that it all starts with you.
Consider intellectualizing the overarching concepts or themes: Now we’re getting to the healing stage of the grief and the time after the breakup. It’s likely that at this point, you’ve gained some clarity. You’ve done some reflection on the relationship itself. What have you learned? Consider that at any time, you can set the intention to intellectualize more parts of the relationship, or just in general, gain more clarity. The easiest place to start is whether or not this has perpetuated a pattern in the past/ Has it? Has this type of energetic exchange happened before/ If not, why is it now? Or how is it new? Are there considerations to take into account/ Was there a reason that you got into this relationship in the first place, nevertheless continued it, perhaps when things weren’t right? The intention here is not to overthink or drive you cray, it’s to become smarter about your experiences and your decisions, and to ensure that you’re not repeating it/them. What were the struggles that you had/ What overarching concepts and themes do they fall under? Are you struggling with these themes in other areas of your life/ Consider the buoy effect, where when you enhance one part of your life, by proxy, it enhances others. Sometimes when you work on one area (that shares a theme) another (in particular, your relationships) may also improve.
Push for equal energetic exchange, when you’re ready: At this point, you may be ready to get back out there. Take it slow. Consider your learnings. Leverage your new skills and abilities throughout this process. Be a better version of yourself! It’s impossible not to. A lot of people are intimidated or scared that they will repeat history. Typically when this is the case, there’s a root cause which hasn’t been resolved. But to quiet these fears, you’ll never repeat the exact same lesson more than once. It may be different types of it or different angles it, but never the same thing twice. You can do it! Take it slow and follow your intuition to guide you. Set those intentions. Ask for signs from your guides. And do you.
