366. Is It Fair To Make Other People Change?

I feel that everyone, at one point or another, has expected someone else to change for them. Maybe it was conscious, maybe it was subconscious. But why wouldn’t they? We are wired to retain our partnerships, connections, so on and so forth. If only they could change, our connection would be lighter, brighter and easier. Maybe there’s even more that’s at stake: Maybe other people’s connections are hanging in the balance. The more we become intermingled and intertwined with others, the more complicated it tends to get. But we are of course, unknowing and naive beings, at times.

Often times I do find that the desire, wish and want to change others stems from a place of insecurity or lack of control, proactively avoiding addressing our own issues. If only it was the other person. But when there’s tensions in connections, needless to say, it takes two to tango. I do believe there’s a greater purpose in our connections. And that typically is to trigger us to change and evolve. But we neglect the “point” if we’re way too focused on the other person. I don’t feel that breaking of connections is a bad thing. In fact, at times it’s necessary. But if we continue to, again, proactively avoid the point, then w’re needlessly wasting our time and energy. It’s important to distinguish loops and patterns so that we can begin the process of course correcting.

So why do we want to change others/projection, to retain or preserve a connection as-is (which of course is unsustainable, as the universe is always shifting, changing and evolving, as do we), or maybe we’re just healers who can’t quite distinguish or find our mission. Either way, I want to get into the logic and repercussions of changing, or trying to change others.

The reality is that we cannot change others, as everyone has their own fee will. In a positive way, we can of course inspire others to change. In a negative way, we can intimidate or force others to change by stripping them perceivably of this free will. While the latter is of course ego-centric and negative, wanting others to change so they benefit themselves is perhaps just a mere want and desire of life. We love and care about others, and want them to be their best selves. But unfortunately, we cannot get wrapped up in their mess and drama.

Often times when we wan to change others, it’s because we’re seeing a situation through our point of view. But we’re often blissfully unaware of their own challenges. Perhaps they need to go through this experience to learn. Every single person has their own unique set of challenges. So while someone who’s suffering may be needlessly so, as you’ve already mastered this lesson, likewise, they may scoff at yours as if it’s so easy. But we are all different people with different levels of experience. And of course we don’t have insight into each other’s troubles. It’s impossible to judge. I do feel that perhaps we want others to change for our own selfish desires, but maybe we’re not totally aware of it. Perhaps we perceive it as bettering themselves, but I assume that by proxy, it will benefit you. After all, we often times do not have these desires so strongly for strangers.

Now we must ask ourselves… is it fair? If the desire to change others is to retain a relic, project our own insecurities, or benefit our connection in some way, are we really just distracting them from their own learning lessons? How can our wants, needs and desires be greater than their own? We cannot control and change others, we can only give them space and support to change themselves.

But how do we do this? First is to let go of the expectations and control, which can be quite hard. We must release all negativity and tension in the connection. And we must give space, which can be mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually. It doesn’t hurt to be an avid supporter in bettering themselves. But perhaps we do it from a boundary-oriented distance. It’s important to pick up on triggers from these connections, and not allow it/them to get to us. If we consider ourselves to be more evolved in these topics than others, then we must act like it.

To iterate, of course everyone is on their own journey. This does not disregard the struggles that people go through when their connections are suffering, or their bonds are breaking. But I do truly feel that the universe ultimately has a plan. It’s almost impossible to know if your influence is unintentionally exacerbating the negativity of the situation, despite your best vibration and efforts. It’s important to, regardless, focus on yourself. Consider that by proxy, the more that you do this, the more unintentionally you’ll lift up your connections. It’s really the best thing (and the only thing) you can do.